Friday Funnies -- Things Overheard at the Dubyas

Mrs Big Dubya: Wow, you look so pretty
'lil Dubyette: No, (eyes fluttered for effect) I'm gorgeous
Mr Big Dubya: Yeah, we really need to work on that self esteem, huh?

********************

Mr Big Dubya: Gives 'lil man a grilled cheese
'lil Dubya: Daddy, I'm really proud of you
Mr Big Dubya: Uhm, thanks buddy

********************

Mrs Big Dubya: Dubya (shrieked at the top of my lungs)
Mr Big Dubya: What..... What are you doing up on the counter?
Mrs Big Dubya: Over there (pointing)
Mr Big Dubya: A dead mouse has you sitting on the counter?
Mrs Big Dubya: It's not dead
Mr Big Dubya: How do you know?
Mrs Big Dubya: It yelled at me

Happy Friday!

Blast from the past...

A funny thing has happened here in Dubya land...... somebody (the always brave commenter "Anonymous") left a scathing comment on a post I wrote.

Normally this wouldn't cause any type of curiosity on my part.... except -- this "anonymous" commented on a post I wrote on September 26th.... of 2005! Yeah, this person commented on a post I wrote 3 years ago, shortly after returning to work after baby #1 (the 'lil dubya) was born.

Weirder.... oh yeah, it gets weirder

Some nice person "Mary" commented.... defending me against this "anonymous" commenter. Thanks Mary.... you, clearly, have some inkling what it's like to be a mother.

I don't care enough about some "anonymous" commenter who doesn't know me (or maybe does know me, but doesn't like me very much) -- but just for fun I thought I'd point out a few things.... help him/her get a grip

1. Hey coward, use your name

2. Invest in spell check -- although I'm really glad you "LOTS" 35lbs I find all of your typos distracting as "ahould" you

3. I don't know what kind of rotten parent you are, or what rotten childhood experience you endured -- but, let me set you straight -- even on the most challenging of days "mommy-hood", as you refer to it, is the furthest thing from a burden I could ever imagine. I pity you if you feel otherwise. It's truly the greatest gift I've ever been given -- and if that means I have a c-section scar, regularly arrive at work with oatmeal hand marks on the back of my sweater.... or that this extra 6lbs is with me forever..... that's fine by me -- I've given the world three extraordinary people who will do exemplary things.

4. If you are going to read blogs and then comment on them..... learn to actually read. I didn't say I hated my friend, I said that "I enjoy my friends’ perfection"and that it's "perhaps even something to strive for"

5. Lastly, learn how to use tense. See, you say that you "used to be a fat, frumpy, catty, pathetic loser too always admiring other people" -- pahlease -- who are you kidding? you still are a pathetic loser..... "used to be" is a phrase reserved for people who have changed.

So.....

Dear Mr/Ms Politician,

So, I'm starting to think it's unavoidable.... my taxes are going up. Necessary evil? maybe... maybe not -- but, the little economy called "Mr & Mrs Big Dubya" is my responsibility -- and well, we've got to balance our budget and so..... some cuttin' needs to happen to make up for the increase.

Mr Big Dubya -- you've got to start ironing your own shirts -- yeah, I know you've got a great deal down at Santoro's -- but, we've got to trim the budget and every little bit helps.

You are also gonna have to start mowing the lawn again -- I know, I know -- that takes up a huge chunk of your Saturday Daddy & Kids time, but.... we just aren't going to be able to pay that guy to do it for us anymore.

The newly reinstated date night? yep, that's gotta go too -- the graduate student who watches the kids while we go out one night a month.... she doesn't do it for free and the restaurant... well, they expect us to pay for that burger -- and sorry honey, we are in cost cutting mode -- so buh-buy date night.

Cleaning Lady (that I hired when we got a tax cut) -- sorry, you do a great job -- but, you are fired.... it's no longer in the budget.

I haven't had a pedicure in months -- and well, I won't be getting one any time soon.

And here, Mr President (whomever you may end up being) is your lesson in economics -- you raise my taxes, and well -- people lose jobs. The dry cleaners will have to cut their staff if people eliminate the luxury of sending out their shirts. The landscaper may only make $30 off of us -- but a few other families cut out his lawn mowing services and well, that's one less helper he needs. Babysitter? Restaurant worker? Cleaning lady?..... all small businesses that are hurt by tax hikes.

So government, why don't you do some cost cutting and leave my already-too-high taxes alone.

Sincerely,
Mrs Big Dubya

Halloween

Remember the days of Halloween from our childhood?

It was before kids opted to have a Halloween party rather than to "risk" going trick-or-treating.

It was before hospitals offered to X-ray a kid's candy before it was deemed safe enough to take home to eat.

It was before malls hosted trick-or-treating because it was "safer" than going door to door in your own neighborhood

To collect our loot, we had an old pillow case or a plastic bag that the bank gave out for free.... now kids have embroidered treat bags from Pottery Barn.

Our parents picked up a costume in a cardboard box.... it looked something like this

Today, Batman looks like this

When did we lose the simplicity?

Date Night

On Saturday night.... we did the unthinkable!

We got a babysitter and we went out for dinner and a few beers -- totally casual, but it was really, really nice.

We struck up conversations with strangers...

We ate our dinner while it was still hot...

We talked about stuff that didn't necessarily revolve around the 'lil Dubya's continued fascination with his paci, the 'lil Dubyette's desire to use the potty even though she's not ready or the 'lillest Dubya's poop (or lack of) issues.

We laughed at the other patrons and their "fashion don'ts"

And when the babysitter called to tell us that the 'lil Dubyette had made herself throw up.... we didn't panic (she does this a lot)

We've been together 10 years on Thursday..... and this was our first date in a long time..... it was really nice .... and we need to do it more often.

Fall In New England

As much as I hate the cold winters...... this was a darn near perfect autumn weekend in New England, so we went shopping for pumpkins!

Bail Out?

I'm not going to go on and on about whether or not I believe in this bail out -- and I don't think "the democrats" created the mess or that "the republicans" are responsible..... there's more than enough blame to go around -- but I would love to hear the answers to these questions

http://www.LauraIngraham.com
October 1, 2008

Eight Bailout Questions

How many times over the last few days have we heard politicians, talking heads and other self-proclaimed "experts" tell us the reason the $700 billion bailout is so wildly unpopular is that we just don't understand it. The economy is complicated. Just trust Congress, President Bush and his royal highness, Hank Paulson. They'll fix it. Don't worry about that $700 billion number. It only sounds high.

Well. If that's the case - if we're really too dumb to understand what's happening - perhaps Congress can show us how much they know. To start, here are some questions I'd like answered.

1) Since the White House introduced the bailout last week, a number of alternative ideas have been proposed. For one, Michigan Republican Thaddeus McCotter wrote a 10-point plan that carries no cost to taxpayers. Others, like George Soros', are significantly less expensive and, in his estimation, likelier to be effective. Can you explain why this bill is the best option, despite being the most expensive?

2) We're told the bailout could actually turn a profit for taxpayers. Assuming that's true, how can we be sure the money actually ends up back in taxpayers' hands? For years the Social Security system took in more money than it paid out, yet instead of putting the surplus revenue toward future benefits, Congress snatched that extra cash for general expenditures. Likewise, Fannie and Freddie's "profits," were used for congressional pet projects. With this track record, how can we trust that this program will be any different?

3) The McCain campaign yesterday pointed out that the most recent housing bill gave the government nearly $1 trillion to purchase mortgages. If this is true, why exactly does Congress need to pass this monstrous legislation?

4) Does the latest version of this bill still "allow the government to purchase troubled assets from pension plans, local governments, and small banks that serve low- and middle-income families"? Americans are having a hard enough time swallowing the idea of a bailout for irresponsible home, car, and student lending. The notion that we'll be on the hook for insolvent pension plans administered by awful, union-controlled lawmakers in cities like Detroit and New York is simply insane.

5) Does the bill's preamble still proclaim that the law "provides authority to the treasury secretary to ... ensure the economic well-being of Americans?" Does anyone know if there are limitations to this seemingly unbridled authority? Otherwise, what prevents the Treasury secretary from becoming a de-facto dictator? This strikes me as especially worth discussion.

6) Are there still no meaningful curtailments of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Does the bill contain anything even hinting at accountability?

7) What concrete assurances do taxpayers have that the turmoil's provenance - Carter and Clinton-era social-engineering dictums that upended safe-lending practices in favor of higher minority home ownership - will forever be outlawed? How do we know taxpayers won't be asked to finance another $700 billion bailout in 10 years? What has Congress learned from its past mistakes?

8) After Enron's collapse, former CEO Jeffrey Skilling, then-CEO Ken Lay, and then-CFO Andrew Fastow, were called to testify before Congress. According to the Business and Media Institute, Fannie's and Freddie's overstated earnings were 19 times larger than Enron's fake numbers. So when can we expect Congress to call Jim Johnson, Franklin Raines, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and the rest of Fannie's and Freddie's enablers to testify before Congress?

At the end of the day, we're not being asked to bailout Wall St. so much as we are the Democratic Party. For $700 billion, answers to the questions above are the least Congress can do in return.

---

Yeah, I can be bought....

So, after my last post -- I sent a letter (hard copy and email) to AirTran explaining what happened to us on our flight home (and that it made me cry) and I got a really quick and thorough (email, home phone & cell phone) response.

I got a very sincere apology..... an explanation of the policy -- a promise of an internal investigation and three vouchers.

I know it's sad -- but, these things happen -- people make mistakes, so I'll use the vouchers :)

Did I forget to tell you, AirTran made me cry

So, I debated as to whether or not I should post about this.... back and forth, back and forth.... and I decided not to, but then I really wanted to -- so, I'm going to just give you the highlights.

The Big Dubya and I took the three kids to Disney on Friday, August 29th. My sister (Aunt P) her husband (Mr Tall Guy), my brother (uncle RoRo), and my mother (Granny) met us down there on August 30th. We had an amazing time and found out on our first night that superstar Olympian Michael Phelps was staying at our resort. I had hoped that he'd stick around and teach the 'lil Dubyette to swim or at least teach her and her brother to stop drinking the pool water.... but to no avail.

Anyway, the Big Dubya was running a fancy-schmancy golf tournament in early September and couldn't afford to spend the whole week with us, so he went home early -- as did RoRo and Granny. This left me, Aunt P, Mr Tall Guy and the three kiddies. We had a good time, but then... all good things must come to an end and so, it was time to go home. Aunt P and Mr Tall Guy were flying to Boston..... me? oh, me and the kids were flying back to White Plains -- so, yes -- I was flying with the three kids on my own (and I thought a trip to the mall was brave!)

We managed to get through airport security just fine -- we had a picnic at the gate.... the 'lil Dubya (3) and the 'lil Dubyette (21 mos) munched on cheez-its while I nursed baby Dubya (12 weeks). We boarded the plane, got into our seats and all was good in the world.... until a flight attendant yelled at me and I lost my shit. Long story short, I'd been given poor information by their phone people and she was telling me that I'd either have to let another passenger hold my baby or I'd have to get off the plane.

I cried

I wasn't even embarrassed about it -- I cried.

I cried and cried... I'd had enough.



I'd been brave -- the Big Dubya leaving me in Orlando with three small kids on my own didn't make me cry.... going through security with three kids on my own didn't make me cry.... getting on the plane didn't make me cry.



This bitch flight attendant telling me to give one of my babies to a stranger to hold during take-off and landing.... yep, that made me cry. And, although they all looked like lovely people, I was not giving any of my babies to a stranger to hold -- regardless of how long it would be for. And getting off the plane made no sense.... I live in Connecticut.

Other passengers were very kind.

She was just trying to do her job

She got her superior and it all worked out fine -- but yeah, AirTran made me cry



The Big Dubya was pissed and Twittered about it (is that a word? Twittered?) -- I think he was hoping for some sort of apology -- but instead, he just got comments from other people who hate AirTran.

I'm going to have to script a letter..... stay tuned.

You want to be what?

Yeah, so we made the mistake of asking the 'lil Dubya what he wants to be for Halloween..... he wants to be "Manny the elephant" from Ice Age......

First of all 'lil dude, Manny's not an elephant -- he's a really moody wooly mammoth and second.... huh? where the hell does one find THAT costume?

This country..... build 'em up to knock them down

Look, I'm a conservative..... disagree with me, or even hate me if you want to.... whateveah!



But, seriously...... whether you support Governor Palin or not, why is it that the media can get away with questioning her ability to run for Vice President and still care for her children?


If we are doing our job as the parent of a little girl, we should be raising her to believe she can do anything, she can have it all...... and then when she does..... are we going to tell her that she can't do both well -- and if she chooses a high-powered, demanding career -- then she's a neglectful parent?

Barrack Obama's been on the campaign trail for the better part of two years -- yet no one has accused him of neglecting his children. In fact, the only person I've heard mention the fact that he's away from his children is his wife, and she's refreshingly candid about the toll the campaign has taken on their family. The same could be said for Bill Clinton (Chelsea was what 11? maybe 12? when he was elected to his first term?) -- John Edwards has young children -- I'm sure there are candidates..... in both parties with young children, but the guys just don't get this kind of crap.


My parents raised me to believe I could accomplish whatever I wanted..... they never told me that I'd have to choose.... family or career just because I'm a girl -- men don't have to.

At this point in my life, I wouldn't pursue a job that requires a lot of travel -- but that's not because we couldn't figure out a way to make it work -- it's because I don't want to. If Governor Palin and her husband can figure out a way to make this work -- more power to them.

Let's talk about stuff that matters

Living the Rock Star Life

After tailgating with my rock star brother, the Big Dubya and I sat in the front row at the Patriots game on Friday night.... who cares that the game totally sucked, I was in the front row!!!! This is Pat the Patriot telling us that we f'ing ROCK for being in the front row

not bad quality photo from my little cell phone

and this is a picture of when I decided to rest my drunk & weary foot on the railing... yes, that's my foot on the front row's railing

So, as if that wasn't good enough..... as if I hadn't drank enough...... we went to see Neil Diamond rock historic Fenway Park. Yes, I heard the man sing Sweet Caroline in the house that Ruth, Williams, Yaz (you pick) built. So okay, we weren't in the front row...... but I saw a sequin-clad speck on the stage that Kara assured me was him. He sounded awesome.....

It was probably the beer taking over, but just to give you a flavor for the evening.....

I decided to go toe-to-toe with some poorly dressed, middle aged soccer moms that Kara tossed some ice at.... not sure what was funnier..... their claims that cold water was going to poke their eyes out, or their threats to call the fashion police on us.... but we laughed all the way back to the bar ('cuz we hadn't drank enough)

My 28 year old brother tried to convince some divorcees on the T that he was 45 and just looked young for his age -- he also told them that they looked like $1,000,000.... I thought he was leaving with some digits. Later in the evening, he picked up some girls after dropping a drink on them and then he became pen pals with some other girls in town on business from Minnesota.... we weren't even on the sidewalk when this silly girl was sending him text messages.

Kara had the good sense to catch the last train home. The Big Dubya, my brother & I decided that we were too cool for that and kept drinking. Then, after storming into a high end restaurant like the Clampetts to use the bathroom, we took a $50 cab ride back to my parents house -- my brother wasn't happy with the cab driver who got really annoyed when he took over control of the radio. The Big Dubya and my mother put me to bed where I proceeded to puke into a bucket in my childhood bedroom.

Yes, I do realize that I need to grow up...... I'm somebody's mother for christ sake.

I paid the price yesterday when we had to drive back to CT from Boston..... no amount of Dunkin' Donuts, McDonald's or D'Angelos would help (yes, I really did try it all). It was a long, long, long ass drive...... and the 'lil Dubyette puked all over car.

C'mon kids.... let's go to the GOP BBQ

Yeah, I know..... I can feel Arwen & Kara cringe from here -- don't worry girls.... we formed a circle, held hands and prayed for you and your tree hugging friends.... just kidding....

I went to two places yesterday that made me incredibly grateful.

Although delivering the baby usually resolves pre-eclampsia, I'm still battling high blood pressure 11 weeks later, so I've been seeing a nephrologist to see if we can get it under control.....

I'm not sure if you've ever been in the waiting room of a nephrologist's office, but...... it's all old people.... I mean really old people -- and then there's me..... a young (c'mon humor me) mother of three very small children...... who's in otherwise perfect health.

Well, you should see these elderly people light up when they see the baby -- they can't wait to tell you about their children (who, in many cases, have children & grandchildren of their own by now) -- as much as I gripe about having to go..... bringing these people this small amount of joy makes it worth the trip.... and they are so interested in everything I say -- they hang on every word.

Then.... last night -- we did... the Big Dubya & I packed up the kiddies and took them to the GOP Barbecue -- it was fun. The food was terrific (I didn't have to cook) -- we got to hang out with our elected representatives and again, it was almost all old people. When we got home, we both were amazed at how many people had stopped us to tell us what a beautiful family we have -- and that we should enjoy every minute because it all goes by way too fast.

They were right -- we get so caught up in the chaos and mayhem that accompanies three small children, two careers, a house, a marriage, friends...... that we forget how amazing our little family is and how fortunate we are to have it.

Tell me what you see

Yeah, so .... I fell down the stairs yesterday ... Ouch

Thank God we weren't seriously hurt -- yes, I say we because I was carrying the 'lillest Dubya when I tripped over that damn dinosaur.

I somehow managed to tuck him close to my chest and hit every other surface of my body against every hard-wood-floored-step. On the bright side he didn't hit anything and kind of enjoyed the ride -- and I can now conduct an entire rorschach test using only the bruises on my body.... the darkest, and the one generating the most giggles from the Big Dubya, would be the one on my butt..... humans aren't supposed to be THAT color.

Anywho..... I finally joined facebook -- I hate it.... not smart enough to use it.... people keep sending me requests to play duck, duck, goose.... a game I hated before they figured out how to make it virtual.

It is nice because I can get in touch with cousins that I have living in other parts of the world.... but it's also like an address book full of the numbers I know by heart -- most of the people I'm "friends" with are people that I talk to all the time anyway.

We'll see how it goes.....

I hate her

I'm not even sure why I hate her, but I hate her.

I've never seen her show..... I just hate her. I cringe when I see her -- I won't even try Huggies pull-ups because they have her on them.....

What is my problem?

I got pee pee on my toe

As I sat at my computer trying to figure out facebook.... a little voice yelled out from the bathroom

'lil Dubya: Mammy, I got pee pee on my toe

Of course I got up and went in there --

Mrs Big Dubya: What happened?

'lil Dubya: I got pee pee on my toe he bends over and points to his toe right there

Mrs Big Dubya: How'd that happen?

'lil Dubya: I don't know as he tries to use a baby wipe to clean up a puddle next to the toilet

Mrs Big Dubya: Are your pants wet?

'lil Dubya: Nope, just my toe

Mrs Big Dubya: Were you not paying attention and you missed the toilet?

'lil Dubya: Yeah, I think so

Mrs Big Dubya: Let's get a bigger towel

'lil Dubya: okay -- thanks Mammy

Happy Friday

Kohl's Cash

So, from time to time Kohl's offers Kohl's Cash..... you spend $50 and they give you a coupon for $10 to use during a 3 or 4 day period in the future.

I've gotten them a few times.... and then been all pissed off when I came across them in my purse the day it was going to expire..... do I drop everything and run to Kohl's and buy things I don't need and can't afford because I have a $10 coupon? or do I just throw away $10?

Anyway, I'm at Kohl's returning something the other day and the customer service girl answers the phone -- apparently the woman on the other end had Kohl's cash that was expiring that day and she wasn't going to be able to make it in --

Do you know what the customer service person told her?

That's fine -- just come in by the end of the week and tell the manager on duty that I (Val) said it was okay -- and we'll honor it!

Now that my friends is customer service!

Swinging

My kids love the swing..... when the 'lil Dubya was colicky, it was the only thing that offered us any type of relief -- the 'lil Dubyette loved it too -- it was like baby-ambien without the binges -- I could put her in the swing and it would all but guarantee an hour or two of blissful peace and quiet.

Imagine my shock and dismay when I put the 'lillest Dubya in the swing and it swung no more. I'm still not clear on why it wouldn't swing, but...... it wouldn't -- new batteries, taking it apart -- nothing worked.

It's pretty well documented that this is the last of the Dubyas...... so, buying a new swing makes no sense. It's not that I'm a cheapskate, but swings are in the hundred-dollar neighborhood and with this being my last baby and all (unless we win Powerball, I may get to have 1 more if we win Powerball) ..... I just can't justify spending the money. I considered hitting a consignment shop to see if I could get one second-hand -- but, all the ones I saw were either filthy or on the rickety side -- so I decided to email Fisher-Price and see if they could suggest a way to fix my swing.

Fisher-Price customer service doesn't have email!

Ugh, I didn't want to call because...... they'd probably expect me to know all the technical jargon -- and I'd be the bimbo saying "Uhm yeah, like it doesn't swing"

But, did you know..... you can order individual replacement parts? For $25 I was able to buy the replacement motor.... it arrived today..... and now the 'lillest man swings!

He's like a rock star or a movie star

The Big Dubya just got off the phone with a blog-star........

If I weren't so tired from having three children under 38 months (and a little tipsy from splitting this bottle of wine), I think I'd swoon!

I remember 3+ years ago.... Kara sent us the link to his blog and that of some crazy Trixie person who recorded every feeding, diaper change and graphed it all...... and you thought I was a spreadsheet geek!

He and his bride were expecting their baby -- a couple of months before us and I hung on every post.... I was so excited the day they delivered and so completely grossed out by stories of the haz-mat bag....

And now here we are 3 years later and he was just on our phone line...... can you believe it??? I may never wash our phone again

I don't know what to do with myself...

SHHHHHHHHHH
For the first time every, all three of them are asleep.....
I don't know what to do